81/100 Understanding Achievement by Engagement, Not by Completion
A New Rule for Presence
A regular theme in my life is my struggle to remain in the present. I think many recognize this fight, but it has been a recent topic for me in my therapy sessions, and a certain discussion brought to mind a truly different way of seeing things.
I share it now.
Being the ambitious type, I understand the thrill of a project and the rush of setting and accomplishing goals. I’m an animal when it comes to crushing it, and I’m proud of my project abilities. What is my goal? Check. How long might it take to get there? Check. What resources or tools will I need? Check. What will I need to ignore or reject to protect this priority? Check. What are the possible risks that might threaten this? Check.
But I understand this is a finite expression of something infinite. Thinking of meaning-making and purpose, I’ve recalled a special moment in a book I’ve mentioned before, Midlife: A Philosophical Guide.
…the compilation of your project may be of value, but it means that the project can no longer be your guide (133).
Treated as a project, the affair will come to an end, and you will be back where you began: at the limit of desire (137).
In this certain therapy session, I began to see myself more deeply and how radically I understand my worth in terms of production and ambition. In fact, I think I’m likely a workaholic. Work is easier than relationships, and “the hustle” is a respected (a term used lightly) way of being (in the sense that is a forgivable thing, to a point, that one is “unavailable” because of their pursuits). Accomplishment is a temporary response to something that will last the length of my life. What is worth doing? Accomplishment feels like a response to this, but what else is possible?
In general, where a project gives meaning to your life, it is possible to find meaning in the process… where completion has value, engagement has value, too (142–3).
And so what would my life look like if I understood success as a measurement of engagement and not completion?
I probably would have felt more graceful about failing earlier language exams. I probably would have felt more grace about ending entrepreneurial projects. I would probably be more graceful.
In this way, I find more satisfaction in my writing. I am not a great writer. I’m decent at moments, but if I were thinking in terms of completion, I would be much harsher on my abilities even to the point of abandoning the thing entirely. This brings me to wonder: “what is mastery as defined by engagement?”
More soon,
Trevor